i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
