the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
