Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
