i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
