I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
