I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
