remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
People in love make me want to vomit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
