I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
