Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize