Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
