btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
