we have pet lesbian snakes
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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