apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
