About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
