What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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