I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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