...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
