it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
