you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
