I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You ruined the universe
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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