I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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