i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So here I am, sexting at work.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
