so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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