Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
