Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
