how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
