I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
