where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
