I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
