...so i touched it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
