I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
