operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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