She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
