I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
