yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
