I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
