If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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