someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
