You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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