That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
