You smell like stripper and shame
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
