Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
