Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
