I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think my cat just said my name.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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