did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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