Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
