I wish my penis had an off switch
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
