i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
