So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
