I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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