Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
