ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
