worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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