My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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