honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
there is glitter all over my balls
try to milk me bitch
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