You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My dick has a subreddit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
