had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
