Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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