So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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