Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
