Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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