i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
