if i can run in heels then i can drive
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
