it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
