; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
