so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize