Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
