so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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