He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
