I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
