So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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