The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
