so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
