i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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