dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize