Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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